There can be quite a dark side, as I will call it to trying to get pregnant. A side I have not shared with many people, but I have decided since I started this blog to help me deal with all my crazy emotions of trying to get knocked up, being completely honest would help me the most.
So, here I go... The first month of ttc was also the first time I realized that if you want to get pregnant be friends with me! When we stared trying to get pregnant so did two of my really close friends. They were extremely lucky and both got pregnant right away. I was so happy for them, one because I was going to have two babies to play with and two because they would not have to face the Hell I was about too. Now, here is the hard part and the honest part there were times when we would all be together that it would be so hard to be around them not because I was jealous, but because it was a reminder of that's were I could have been if my body wasn't such a piece of crap. Now they have two of the most adorable babies I have ever seen! Then on to my boss at work who also had no issues what so ever getting pregnant. Again I was happy for her because she wouldn't have to experience the sadness or heartbreak month after month of TTC and nothing. She too has now had her baby.
Now on to the medication that I have been on that I would like to refer to as my Crazy Drugs. First, Femara,this is the first crazy drug I had to take. At first I just took one tiny tiny pill cycle days 3-7 then later it was up to two pills. These were not too bad, however the week I was taking them I was mad and so pissed off at nothing one second and then totally normal the next. Jake would look at me wrong and I would bite his head off, then two seconds later I was crying and saying how sorry I was. The second crazy drug I had was the HCG shot. I had to give this to myself once a month to help induce ovulation so we could time our IUI's right. Now HCG is pregnancy hormone, and you can imagine what that can do to you. This stays in your system for up to 10-14 days. So, that too made me a little unstable emotionally but not too bad. And the third crazy drug was the FSH. This stuff can really do some damage. I was giving myself four shots of this a month for two months. This is what I think pushed me over the edge. I was seriously crying just about everyday, and not always because I was sad, but half the time for stupid stuff. Songs, commercials, someone that looked at me, and I would just break down.
I don't think I was mentally prepared for what I was about to go through. I have always heard it was emotionally taxing to go through fertility treatments, but didn't realize how hard this would be. I thank God for the friends and family I have that have been so supportive. Even though sometimes I still feel like nobody understands they are still there for me no matter what. I have come to realize that no one can understand the feeling I have about this, but they can try and they do and that's what counts. I also am so thankful for how supportive Jake is. He is always there to hold me when I just can't handle anymore and just need to cry.
Now, after all of that you would probably think, WOW this girl has given up on trying to get pregnant. But, NOPE we are going to get back to it all again. I just made an appointment today to return to TTC. Our appointment is February 25th. We will be meeting with the Dr. to go over everything we have done and what our new game plan will be.
So, stay tuned for more excitement. And by the way I don't plan on making this whole blog about the down side of ttc. I plan on writing about happy things too :)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Let's get Started!!
So, I have finally decided to start a blog on our trying to concive (ttc) journey. I don't even know where to get started. Well since ttc involves two people I guess I could start with how Jake and I met.
Jake and I first met in high school where we went on a double date with different people. He was dating one of my friends at the time, and I was with someone one else. After high school we didn't see each other until about two years after we graduated we had a mutual friend so we hung out a few times. That is when he asked me one day if I wanted to go to a party with him, I said sure why not. So, after going to that party with him it was all over from there, and we have been together ever since. A year and a half after we started dating we decided to move to Arizona together, and about six months after moving to Arizona we got engaged and married a year and a half later. That brings us to ttc.
I was diagnosed with Polycystic Overian Syndrom (PCOS) in 2007. PCOS is what is preventing us from having a baby. With PCOS it prevents me from ovulating normally. In September 2008 we decided that we wanted to start trying to get pregant. We new from the beginning that we were going to need some kind of help getting pregnant. I went to the doctor to discuss our options and what we should do first. She ran a bunch of tests and confermend my diagnosis of PCOS. In December we officially started trying to get pregnant. My Dr. put me on Femara to help me ovulate. She tested my blood to make sure the femara was doing its job, and it was. I was ovulating! I forgot to mention this Dr. told me she didn't think it would take us long to get pregnant because I am not overweight, I am young, and I have always had regular periods. We will soon learn she was TOTALLY WRONG!!!!!!!!!! So, we tried the femara for about 5 months with no sucsess. Oh yeah, after the 3rd month of trying we had Jake's little swimmers tested and... He is just fine! Thank God, I would much rather only one of us have and issue. After, all of this she reffered me to a fertility specialist.
This is where the hell beggins!!! We met witht he Fertility Doctor or RE in June of 2009. He ran more tests and he too seemed very optomistic that with a little extra medication and IUI we should be pregnant pretty fast. We ended up doing two cycles of femara and IUI and of course nothing came of that. So, we decided to add to the femara by doing injections of FSH to also help increase the amount of follicals produced to help increase our chances of consiving. Those two cycles didn't work either. That is when I decieded I needed a break.
During all of the active ttc cycles I was an emotional wreck. During the cycles of Femara only it wasn't too bad, however I did cry every time I stared my period. I would also usually have a nice cry a few days before my period came because I just knew it wasn't our month again. The real fun came once we stared seeing the RE and I was put on more meds. I was crying all the time and when I was not crying I was a raging BIOTCH. I am so surprised that Jake never just through me out of the house because I was so crazy. I think between the frustration of not getting pregnant and the hormones from all the medication my body just went nuts! The last cycle we did I decided that would be the last for a few months, I could no longer handle the rollercoaster of emotions I was on, it was literally HELL!
Well, I think this is enough for everyone to soak up for today and I will share the rest of what I have been through tomorrow.
Jake and I first met in high school where we went on a double date with different people. He was dating one of my friends at the time, and I was with someone one else. After high school we didn't see each other until about two years after we graduated we had a mutual friend so we hung out a few times. That is when he asked me one day if I wanted to go to a party with him, I said sure why not. So, after going to that party with him it was all over from there, and we have been together ever since. A year and a half after we started dating we decided to move to Arizona together, and about six months after moving to Arizona we got engaged and married a year and a half later. That brings us to ttc.
I was diagnosed with Polycystic Overian Syndrom (PCOS) in 2007. PCOS is what is preventing us from having a baby. With PCOS it prevents me from ovulating normally. In September 2008 we decided that we wanted to start trying to get pregant. We new from the beginning that we were going to need some kind of help getting pregnant. I went to the doctor to discuss our options and what we should do first. She ran a bunch of tests and confermend my diagnosis of PCOS. In December we officially started trying to get pregnant. My Dr. put me on Femara to help me ovulate. She tested my blood to make sure the femara was doing its job, and it was. I was ovulating! I forgot to mention this Dr. told me she didn't think it would take us long to get pregnant because I am not overweight, I am young, and I have always had regular periods. We will soon learn she was TOTALLY WRONG!!!!!!!!!! So, we tried the femara for about 5 months with no sucsess. Oh yeah, after the 3rd month of trying we had Jake's little swimmers tested and... He is just fine! Thank God, I would much rather only one of us have and issue. After, all of this she reffered me to a fertility specialist.
This is where the hell beggins!!! We met witht he Fertility Doctor or RE in June of 2009. He ran more tests and he too seemed very optomistic that with a little extra medication and IUI we should be pregnant pretty fast. We ended up doing two cycles of femara and IUI and of course nothing came of that. So, we decided to add to the femara by doing injections of FSH to also help increase the amount of follicals produced to help increase our chances of consiving. Those two cycles didn't work either. That is when I decieded I needed a break.
During all of the active ttc cycles I was an emotional wreck. During the cycles of Femara only it wasn't too bad, however I did cry every time I stared my period. I would also usually have a nice cry a few days before my period came because I just knew it wasn't our month again. The real fun came once we stared seeing the RE and I was put on more meds. I was crying all the time and when I was not crying I was a raging BIOTCH. I am so surprised that Jake never just through me out of the house because I was so crazy. I think between the frustration of not getting pregnant and the hormones from all the medication my body just went nuts! The last cycle we did I decided that would be the last for a few months, I could no longer handle the rollercoaster of emotions I was on, it was literally HELL!
Well, I think this is enough for everyone to soak up for today and I will share the rest of what I have been through tomorrow.
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